Mending and Healing a Broken Heart

Moving on is the hardest thing for one's relationship. Even if it lasted for years or even just months, its not easy to leave everything just behind. This is not just like a habit that you can easily forget, its something more than that it prickles when remembered. But as they said, sometimes happiness can be found out in moving on. So people who are heart broken out there, look on the other side and stand up. There are a lot of things to cherish than crying for a person who had broken your heart. Here are some things to read on which might help especially for healing and mending a broken heart. I've read this article from Broken-heart-help.com and is very helpful in terms of opening your minds and thoughts in healing and mending a heart. Hope this works for you.

Heart Broken

Many old fictional stories have characters that die after going through a devastating loss. Although even in reality people die from what appears to be a broken heart. Broken heart syndrome is usually blamed for the passing of someone whose spouse is already deceased, even though the actual cause is not always so clear. The condition can be triggered by sudden emotional stress caused by a traumatic breakup, the death of a loved one, or even the shock of a surprise party.

Broken Heart syndrome is clinically different from a heart attack because the patient have few risk factors for heart disease and were previously healthy prior to the heart muscles weakening. The recovery rates for those suffering from broken heart syndrome are faster than those who had heart attacks and complete recovery to the heart was achieved within two weeks.

As Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson states:

As people, we are not aware all the time of our feelings, and just like animals, we may not be able to put words to them very easily. This certainly does not mean that the feelings do not exist.

Sigmund Freud once speculated that a man could be in love with a woman for six years and not know it until many years later. Such a man, with all the goodwill in the world, could not have verbalized what he did not know.

He had the feelings, but he did not know about them. Perhaps this does sound like some sort of paradox. When we think of a feeling, we think of something that we are consciously aware of feeling. As Freud put it in an article written in 1915, The Unconscious: 'It is surely of the essence of an emotion that we should be aware of it.' Yet it is beyond question that we can 'have' feelings that we do not know about.

Health Of Your Heart

Our hearts can be tormented and troubled. They can be squashed and pressured, both from a psychological and emotional point of view. This can be to such a point where they actually begin to result in physical health problems, thus, a broken heart can be considered quite literal. Losing someone you love can cause major problems to our hearts.

Over the course of a life time, most people (at one time or another) will experience a long trial of sadness or loss.

Much research has proven that hearts living under this pain don't just suffer emotionally, they all suffer physically. Deep feelings of depression, loneliness, and sadness can actually lead to problems like heart disease.

Researchers have found that what we all feel and the way we think directly effects the health of our heart. A study showed that people living under this pain can literally even die from a 'broken heart'. It is important to try and overcome the pain so that it doesn't drag on longer than it has to.

Consider the lessons that you have learned, and how you are smarter as a result of the experience. Think about this often, as it will help lift you and let you see some positive signs.

Find a treatment that works for you - this can be talking with those who care about you, other groups of support, perhaps something like psychotherapy or meditation. There are lots of techniques available to help heal your heart.

Get busy doing what it takes to become well!

Begin To Heal

There is nothing funny about having a broken heart. If you are reading this, I am sure you know that. Your stressed body will begin to accumulate all sorts of feelings on top of the depression.

Perhaps you lack positive focus and you are having trouble moving away from looking at the negative, leaving you almost completely unable to function. It is important to try to change this, as in a very direct way we experience the emotions that we focus on.

Here are a few steps to consider:

* Grieve
This is the best thing to do after your loss. Try not to avoid this step. It it best to do it immediately, or it may take you longer to heal. Do whatever you need to do to express yourself in this stage, so long as you don't hurt anyone else.

* The Plan
Healing is a journey that needs a plan. This means that you should write down some ways which (you think) will help you - right now! Think about it, and keep thinking about it.

* The Action
Once you have written down some things, make specific plans to act on them soon - and stick to it!

* Suggestions
Accept that you are responsible for your own healing, and take as much time as you need for yourself.

Take action when you are inspired.Forgive people and recognize that we take in what we focus on. This concept is recognized by some people as the law of attraction.

Do not hang around people who make you feel negative or people who complain all the time. Perform any spiritual work that feels right to you, perhaps include affirmations and visualizations. Be grateful.

Heal A Broken Heart

It takes time! Here are some basic tips. Make sure you also read the articles, which you can access from the side menu.

* Honor how you are feeling. This means that you should not pretend that you are ok, when you really aren't. There is nothing wrong with crying.

* Communicate with people that care about you. Make sure you share how you are feeling. Do not underestimate the support that these people can provide.

* Exercise regularly and take care of your health. Often times during the period of having one's heart broken, health may be neglected. If you aren't careful, this can only make things worse.

* Some people like to travel.

* A great way to move through a broken heart is to spend a lot of time doing something you really love. This can be a hobby, work, or anything! If you keep yourself busy you will find yourself moving through the pain faster.

Above all, give yourself time. This type of healing can't be rushed. If you want to restore the relationship, make sure that you figure out why it went wrong before you rush back into it.

8 Phrases of Dating

here's the irony of life with regards to dating and getting married. i found this one in my friend, Chenee's blog. probably because of boredom she was able to swoop to this pictographic story. funny but its a fact. it just describes how funny life could be.

click to enlarge

Top 10 Relationship Wreckers

When in a love relationship, most couples would have a love and hate relationship. Most often times if not controlled, will lead to a dysfunctional kind of relationship that sometimes could be very tiring to have every single day. Well I too have realization for this stuffs and considering the fact that it has beguiled most of the people all over the globe. I have read this Top Ten Relationship Wreckers that I found from Cognitive Therapy Associates (CTA) web page which I find it very helpful. You might want to read on this one and reflect maybe one of these are causing you too much burden being together.

Top 10 Relationship Wreckers

1. Neglecting Your Partner (ignoring, workaholism, addictions):

• A primary function of a relationship is to provide companionship and to meet each other’s needs. When other activities, interests or preoccupations interfere with our availability, we can wind up short-changing our partner. This can be thought of as absenteeism or being MIA. Taking an inventory and making adjustments in how we spend our time is the first step in correcting this problem. Treat your partner as the important person they are by spending enough quality time together to satisfy each of your requirements in this area and to maintain your connection.

2. Depriving Your Partner (not being attentive, expressive, affectionate, supportive, caring, loving):

• Being there physically is not enough. We cannot expect our relationship to thrive if we withdraw emotionally for extended periods of time. In order to be fully present, we must be aware of our partner and be willing to show how we feel both verbally and non-verbally. Expressing love though affection and caring behaviors are crucial to keeping a relationship strong and vibrant. Small regular doses of intimacy will usually suffice, and the most important times of day to communicate positively are upon waking, upon reuniting after a long day, and before going to sleep.

3. Dishonesty & Betrayal (infidelity, lying):

• Most people are aware that the foundation of any relationship is T-R-U-S-T. In no relationship is trust more important than in a relationship between mates, except for a parent and dependent child relationship. Cheating and lying breaks down the basis for a relationship, and often results in its demise. A problem of this nature is serious, and resolving it must be a top priority if the relationship is to survive. Couples counseling is highly recommended in order to facilitate the changes that are needed.

4. Attacking Your Partner (blaming, abuse – physical, emotional, sexual):

• Aggressive communication is simply unacceptable, especially if the abuse is getting physical. Physical or sexual abuse are deal-breakers in a marriage, and should prompt a permanent separation. The abusive partner needs to get professional help to learn skills in anger management, in order to gain and consistently demonstrate better control over his or her emotions and behavior. Even if the help is sought and progress is made, the risk of recurrence remains high, so in most cases, the abused partner should not return to the relationship. Returning serves to reinforce the abusive behavior, leading to increased severity and frequency of subsequent abuse. Instead, the abused partner should also seek help, and work through issues that have potential to lead one into another abusive relationship. Verbally blaming, accusing, and insulting your partner are less extreme forms of destructiveness, but are not OK either, and assertiveness training can provide the essential skills for healthy communication.

5. Scapegoating (taking your anger or frustration out on you partner):

• We all know that it’s not right to kick the dog after a hard day at work, so why do it to your partner? Being held responsible for things that are out of our control is the most stressful of conditions, and that is what we do to our partner when we scapegoat them. Rather than hurt the ones you love, do what it takes to meet the real problem head-on, as effectively as you can. If you are unsure of how to address a problem, the strong and mature thing to do is to ask for help and support from trusted sources (i.e., a friend, relative, or therapist).

6. Negativism (nitpicking, nagging, criticizing):

• In order to have a good relationship, the positives must outweigh the negatives by a large percentage. If negativity is creeping into your relationship, it is like water seeping into walls, eventually weakening the structure. People usually feel good around others who are upbeat and positive, as well as those who help them to feel good about themselves. Bringing a negative spirit into your relationship crowds out the positive. However, pushing aside or neglecting to address real problems is not the answer either, and can be just as harmful to relationship health as dwelling on the negative. So pick your battles wisely, strive to communicate effectively, and practice cooperative negotiation.

7. Gossiping (telling family or friends about your problems but not addressing them with your partner):

• That’s right, if you are talking about the problems in your relationship with friends or relatives but not working on improving the situation, that amounts to gossip. Gossip is not a productive way to handle problems, and can result in additional problems. For instance, your partner may feel betrayed that you revealed sensitive material to others that cause him or her to be embarrassed or uncomfortable around them. Also, if you promote a negative side of your partner or your relationship, others may get a distorted view, and changes in their attitudes and behavior may follow. Others may remember your conflicts long after you and your partner have gotten past them. Instead, work on improving your communication skills. Turn toward your partner, not away. If you need help, seek out the assistance of an objective third party such as a therapist who works with couples. When it comes to your needs, stop complaining and start asking!

8. Controlling Your Partner (“my way” or else, perfectionism, trying to change your partner, possessiveness):

• Wanting things to be a certain way and having preferences are completely natural and even healthy. However, when this tendency becomes extreme and starts to encroach on the rights, needs and desires of others, it can cause major havoc. Freedom of will and self-determination are basic needs, and when these are being threatened, negative reactions may include anger, resentment, and/or rebellion. If the need to control is a problem in your relationship, identify the motivations behind it and work towards dealing with those issues rather than acting them out with your partner.

9. Putting Yourself First (self-centeredness, selfishness, entitlement):

• It’s not “all about me,” folks. Letting one’s self interests take priority in an unbalanced way can be toxic to a partnership. The other person usually winds up feeling deprived, resentful, and unimportant. Furthermore, the more self-involved you are, the more you take your relationship for granted, the less you appreciate your partner, and the more alone you actually are. So if your relationship is slanted in this way, you also lose out, because you experience less of the joy that a true connection brings. You and you partner both get more from the relationship through reciprocity in giving and receiving.

10. Putting Yourself Last (self-neglect, passivity, self sacrifice):

• Martyrs are seldom happy. More often, they are angry, bitter, resentful, depressed and burned out. This is not to say that you should not consider others and be thoughtful in meeting their needs. But having a healthy relationship involves factoring your own needs and desires into the equation. You teach people how to treat you, and if you act like a doormat, you can’t completely blame someone if they wipe their feet on you. Learn how to stand up for yourself, practice assertive communication, ask and allow others to meet your needs, and take care of yourself as much as you take care of your loved ones.

7 Relationship Topics That Turn Men Off on a First Date

Here's some common mistakes that we usually started up and ending with a quarreling and if unfortunate, ending the sweet summer drive that just had started. It might not be accurate, but i could share the same nods of approval with what has listed. Thanks for Ezine Articles this mind opening information. and if you wanted to read more, you can always check Ezine Articles.

7 Relationship Topics That Turn Men Off on a First Date

1. Avoid talking about Exes -- his, yours, simply avoid the subject altogether. You don't want him thinking about his ex-girlfriends when he is with you, and you certainly don't need to bring up any of your exes for him to compare himself to. You can talk about this when you get to know him a little better, buy your first date is not it. It is much too serious a topic on a first date.


2. Leave religion alone for now. This is a very important topic that must be discussed later if you are going t get serious with this man. This is one of those things that can really lead to some major debating and arguing. You might ask about it in a general way, but don't prolong the conversation, especially if both of you have different religious backgrounds. Save that debate for another night.

3. Politics, like religion, can be a serious subject that is best be avoided on the first date, especially if you have radically differing views. When you get to know each other more it becomes easier for you to understand each others point of view.


4. Do not tell him about your crazy relatives on your first date. If you have some family members that are a bit less than reputable, you might not want to mention them. He probably does not need to know that your family has a history of mental instability or that your uncle Jeremy is in prison for assaulting a twelve year old girl.


5. Avoid talking about any criminal past you might have. Maybe you assaulted your ex, but if you tell him that on the first date, he probably won't call you again. Don't lie about it, but don't bring it up, either. Save that for the third or fourth date.


6. Avoid talking about any future plans that involve him. It is your first date with him. You don't want to sound desperate or get ahead of yourself. Don't talk about settling down, finding that perfect house, or having children with him or any guy at this time.


7. Finally, do not discuss things you know he is not at all interested in. He probably does not care about the latest book club pick is, so don't bore him with details about it. Try to stick to subjects that the two of you have in common.