At Wits' End

So I gave up. I gave up to every sanity I have to ignore him. I can't deny the fact that I felt contentedly overjoyed when I started talking and smiling to him. That emotional outburst you can't easily contain every time you see him lurking around with his eyes spying on you. His hesitation, when you know how he attempts to get near you.

Or maybe I am just overly thinking or most likely hallucinating. I can be wrong. I can be right, but I don't give a damn care anymore as long as he makes me happy.

Inception

It is day I'm-Not-Sure where I decided to lie low from seeing, meeting or talking to him. And like my day, I don't know if I am doing a good job on it because it does feel terrible inside. I noticed that he has been cold with me after noticing what I have been doing, and honestly I feel miserable. Few times I am guilty I have been spying on him at work, and few times I've caught him doing so as well. I probably 'em caught in this overthinking, and I blame myself always that my delusion has gone escalated. I hope one day, I have this courage to tell him how I feel. 

Probably one day, I hope. 

Blame Game

We blame others because they are convenient,
not because the truth is convincing enough to be blamed. 

It is just sad to hear people blaming others. But blaming others because you are ignoring the fact that the truth and reality is really someone to be blamed is called blindsiding. Not because it is convenient to blame others make the mistake convenient and realistic. Sometimes, it only make things look more uglier than it should be. 

Damn Thoughts

So, umm... I want you.

My exact thoughts after falling for you. I am not sure when, I am not sure how. Damn I am not even sure why. The only thing I can remember, is me waking up with the thoughts of you.

I get nervous when I know you will be around. I get shivers and chills when we are doing our little chat. I can't even think clearly when you are looking at me. I get anxious, I get insecure. Damn I feel like I am under a spell when you are around.

But God knows this isn't real. I know this is a facet of who you are. misinterpreted by my dirty mind. You are just so perfect. The perfection I always want to be mine. I want to conquer it, but God knows this is not for me to take.

Silently, I maybe have started to lovin' you. And it chimes in my mind. It never stop. And it never will.

Damn, I so want you. 

A Way Back

So it has been almost a decade before I finally had the chance to retrieve my blog. Luck has been kind enough to give me a chance to reclaim what I thought I had lost. So after 8 years of not sharing any post, here I am back again posting and ranting about anything back again. And it is good to be back, finally.

P.S.: Just so I realized my blog needs cleaning. ughh

A Word from Above

It really feels so great to get commendations from the people above the organization. Because I am on cloud 9, I cant help myself to share it. Oh and by the way, this is not just for mine alone but for all the Team Leads who are part of our cluster. So here goes:

this was the word we got from our Site Director:

All,

I can’t stress enough how proud I am of everything you’re doing.

You’ve taken a very large program that has ramped very quickly and brought it to the top of the standings. You’ve done this despite the extra one year of tenure in Manila and that in itself speaks volumes to what you’re doing on a day to day basis. For that I thank you.

It’s each of you driving your teams to perform that has lead us to where we are today. You being the leaders you are and figuring out what motivates your agents to succeed has lead us to where we are today. You suffering through the supervisor calls, answering the endless questions and doing the “just one more thing to look after” that we push you to do has lead us to where we are today.

You’ve each taken a group of individuals, formed them into a team and lead them to the success that we’re all enjoying today and also for that I thank you.

Continue doing what you’re doing everyday and know that not only is it making a difference in the lives of your team members it’s also being noticed by a lot of people at all levels of the organization.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you to continue your success.

And a simple word of thanks from our Business Manager:

Team,

Here is stack ranking for May MTD. I really appreciate everything that you put out there to make this happen. We have achieved our goal for this month ending # 1 again (back to back) for OPI ranking across all sites. And not only that, Bacolod site ended # 1 across all 3 sites, yet again. This says a lot of how committed you all are in getting things done and ensuring that you are always on top of everything. Please pass on my thanks to your agents. We will not be where we are if not for them. They really made us look good here.

... now who says you wont feel better after reading this one. It pays off all the hardwork and time.

Sunrise after Rain

After all the stress that I have been, it’s still good to know that I will have my share of rest. Well not the whole one but at least I can have some of it.

Just like my day today. I am overwhelmed today, very much. This day is just like the last Wednesday that I had but I just got confirmation of all the hard work that I placed on my job. All the dedication the, the passion, the anger and even the burnouts that I just had experienced.

I had my team went up within the top spots, balanced with both criteria’s. I am very much please with the results that I was able to hit two birds at the same time. It is so compelling to look at that some times I don’t want to blink on the results that was released over all site. I am imagining I am competing to 83 different teams across the Philippines and hell yeah I got one cool spot for my team.

Its really a great feeling. It’s so good to know that whatever suffering I had, at the end of the day the rewards are still going for me. And I don’t regret it. Not a bit.

I am going to take rest now cause my bed is waiting for me. Tata.

A lie and a feeling better

its going to be mother's day again and again this is the 23rd year that i haven't met my mom. sometimes i really wish i met her so at least i would have someone to listen to my foolish ideas. in the movies or tv shows that i watch, they're always a scene where parents importance are shown. that i usually envy a lot or most often times pricks my heart for unknown reason. well who should i blame then especially if you don't know any of the story.

i always think i am lucky and somewhat blessed with what i have experienced in my life. should i feel that way? or maybe because i am protecting the reality of what had happened to me. i am liar, but maybe because i know this makes the world go round. and it does make me feel better often times.

until when should i feel this way or does thing stays forever. 23 years of awaiting for truth is already a glimpse of forever for me. but why do i hope for a time that i could meet her, know her at be with her. maybe those are just one of those lies that i always create to make me feel better?

yes, to make me feel better.

Woah

i just got caught sleeping after the longest time of all my work. i was panting and i dont even know what to say so i just blurt out that i was just taking my break. well in one point it was an appropriate excuse but it still not allowed though in anyway. but is that why sleeping quarters was made.

stupid me, isn't it? well i would probably be sleeping much when i get home. 30 minutes and i am way gone out from the office.

Responsibility and Priority

when i was a kid, i usually don't care of what is happening around me. that's normal i think since the things you have on mind is just fun and fun and fun and fun. then i grew up but i was still thinking of myself and never cared much of the things that are happening around me. then i got this job, that's when i got instantenous shock with what i had went through. when i was working before, all i could see was just the perks and its prestige. but what's inside the box is something more than what it covers them.

then here i am, owning a responbisility which i thought i am not capable of.

realization comes at the end, but i am a bit challenged and overwhelmed.

Undecided but had Decided

sometimes in life, we get to make decisions that we don't really wanted but we have to. that dilemma has been or are most likely had been experienced by a lot of people. knowing at the end of the day, its still their head that has been crushed to. sometimes you want it to end, but here you are stuck in the middle and you don't know how to end it. people would say a lot of things of how they understand you, the question is do they really understand you?

we wish. we hope. we think. ending is the best way.

but is it really the best way? or is it just stupidity?

Life Factor: Humiliation, Initiation and Appreciation

Humiliation

Humiliation is literally the act of being made humble, or reduced in standing or prestige. Humiliation is not in general a pleasant experience, as it reduces the ego. The term has much in common with the emotion of shame.

Initiation

Initiation is a rite of passage ceremony marking entrance or acceptance into a group or society. It could also be a formal admission to adulthood in a community or one of its formal components. In an extended sense it can also signify a transformation in which the initiate is 'reborn' into a new role.

Appreciation

Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things.

Sometimes in life, people have to live by rules. Honestly, its not easy living. And to be known, you have to climb through a ladder, move your way up by a magic carpet or bury yourself and be known. Thats the way life goes. We have to admit, life has its own beauty and suffering.

The 3 Wives

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"

Conclusion:

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives:

• a. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.
• b. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.
• c. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
• d. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

I'm not being a preacher here but reality is, this is only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament.

Me, Myself and I

Everything has its own ways of unveiling. Some heroic, some catastrophic or sometimes its even whimsical. You'll never know whats in it for you unless you tried going to one of those doors, opening it and realizing what it has done. Regrets can start building up, but if your gonna be positive enough, your going to see the other picture of the decision that you had made. Lately, everything that I went through has not been easy. Well it never did since I woke up from reality, but I think I am just starting to enjoy everything that I'm not. It's not with the spot light , nor the amazing stuffs that I could actually do. But its the thought that your able to reach everything you wanted to do, with no one telling or hindering you to do so. And by those things, you motivate everything around you, make enemies for those who envy you and being able to hit back anyone that you wanted to. I know freedom had been always been mine, but freedom I had experience lately was compelling and such a wonderful feeling. I know everything wont last, I'm writing this down to remind me of this day I realized that I am happy being alone, with nothing to think on. Just me, myself and I.

Reality Chase

Sometimes I thought of life is a big lie for me. Not everything in this world had been real for me I think, aside from my friends. Even my emotions, I usually fake it out, like everything is nuisance. I don't even know how to decipher reality and dream anymore. Sometimes I would want to wish dream to last more than it should, but when hit back by reality, it disappears. Dream for me is like smoke that disappears upon the strong blow of the wind. But I do have my plans to build on, some expectation that I wanted to meet and some achievement that I have to achieved. Its just the fact that, I don't know where to place it within me. They said it will be good for reality, but it feels better for me when I place it on my dreams. Now I'm confuse as well if my existence is real.

A Scenery of Regression

It was a dawn of nostalgia. A night after an explosion of an emotional spree. I can hear myself breathing, gasping for breath. A breathing waiting for a perfect timing to jest out. It's one cold night. Everybody else are feeling it but it feels more colder within. I can't hardly see where I am going but I do trust the light of the moon, guiding me to where ever I am heading. I can hear an eerie whistling, probably its just the wind but nevertheless I don't even care. The cold wind digging deeper into my skin wanting it to make me feel the naked coldness of it. I know, even the cold damp of the wind, is trying to stop me to go forth. I am no where, but I am seeking for something, a quench of something to make this feeling go away.

I stood still, moved a bit and watched myself cautiously. I find myself beautiful, well everybody are but I think its all a waste. I feel completely pathetic, untenable. I wanted to make it stop, but it seems like nobody can help me from stopping it. I cried, as I cried I was watching my tears fell from my cheek. Every drop of it I tried to count it, but it wasn't helping. I stopped cause what I'm doing was not helping. I look up, and watched the stars. I was looking for my favorite star. The one that always shine amidst of the clouds that tries to cover it. It was there, just shining. It was waiting for me to talk. No, probably waiting for me to cry out and shout everything I had. But I know it can't hear me. Though it shines brightly telling me that it will always be there, watching me.

I look closer to a sight, a sight I always loved to watch but it doesn't help. Its the calmness of the sea, the mirroring light of the moon lighting up the ocean with a conservative manner. Yeah, the sight I always loved to watch, so good yet so hard to find. The sumptuous feeling watching that sight. I remember how I long for such feeling, and how everything fades. Maybe its not for me to have. Maybe I am really bound to lose it or maybe I'm not just fortunate. Or maybe, I am too selfish on sharing it.

This feeling of desperation and guilt, its sickening me. This malevolent feeling. I wish it would stop.

I looked up on the stars, letting the stars know how helpless I am. I walked back. Trying to feed the thought I just had realize. It seems like I am aloof to this.

Then I realize, its better to dream.

Because of You - Boyce Avenue

There are a lot of things that already had threatened this mutual feelings we've been sharing. In different ways it had been fun but hurting at the same time. knowing that there are a lot of factors that are not enjoyable but the thought is that it just wont stop and we keep on coming back for more. As they say, people get idiots for some affection.

Because of You
*Boyce Avenue*

Want to but I can't help it
I love the way it feels
Just got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real
I need it when I want it
I want it when I don't
Tell myself I'll stop every day
Knowing that I won’t

I got a problem and I... (Don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did I don't know if I would quit but I doubt it
I'm taken by the thought of it...

And I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction
I'm so strung out on you
I can barely move
But I like it

And it's all because of you (3x)
And it's all because...
Never get enough
She's the sweetest drug

Think of it every second
I can't get nothing done
Only concern is the next time
I'm gonna get me some
Know I should stay away from
‘Cause it's no good for me
I try and try but my obsession
Won’t let me leave

I got a problem and I... (Don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did I don't know if I would quit but I doubt it
I'm taken by the thought of it...

And I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction
I'm so strung out on you
I can barely move
But I like it

And it's all because of you 3x
And it's all because...
Never get enough
She's the sweetest drug

Ain't no doubt
So strung out (2x)
Over you, over you, over you

Because of you
And it's all because of you
Never get enough
She's the sweetest drug
She's the sweetest drug

Don't Stop Believing - Glee Cast

For the record, this must be my most unproductive off ever, where all I did was sleep, play games and merry around not even bothering to eat. Well at least I am able to update my page for some stuffs but I still find it useless. The reason for this is pretty simple, ending a chance of happiness. Well for some this could be so patriotically exaggerated but hey, everybody goes to this trauma. And its very hard to deny that things sometimes cannot be controlled, even feelings cannot be manipulated by anybody but it can be triggered by something. I miss the old times when my phone would ring expecting something from him, get nagged by things with no sense or even start a cheesy talk with him of how to build the future. So much for those memories and it really makes me cry right now. But anyways I have to move forward, everybody should. Here's a song that I am totally in love with from the Glee series, made me realize of dreaming and believing of something, those "should have", "could have", "would have" things.

Don't Stop Believin'
*Glee Cast*

Just a small town girl
Livin’ in a lonely world
She took the midnight train going anywhere

Just a city boy
Born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train going anywhere

A singer in a smoky room
The smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people
Living just to find emotion
Hiding somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice
Just one more time

Some will win, some will lose
Some are born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people
Living just to find emotion
Hiding somewhere in the night

Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to that feelin’
Streetlight people

Don’t stop believin’
Hold on
Streetlight people

Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to that feelin’
Streetlight people

Almost - Tamia

Made me realize something. Some bitter truth.

Almost
*Tamia*

[Verse 1]
Can you tell me
How can one miss what she's never had
How could I reminisce when there is no past
How could I have memories of being happy with you boy
Could someone tell me how can this be
How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that never happened
How could we celebrate a love that's to late
And how could I really mean the words I'm bout to say

[Chorus]
I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

[Verse 2]
I cannot believe I let you go
Or what I should say I should've grabbed you up and never let you go
I should've went out with you
I should've made you my boo boy
Yes that's one time I should've broke the rules
I should've went on a date
Should've found a way to escape
Should've turned a almost into
If it happened now its to late
How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real
And if it didn't happen why does my heart feel

[Chorus]
I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

[Verse 3]
(sometimes I wanna rub ya, some nights I wanna hug ya)
And you seem to be the perfect one for me
You (some nights I wanna touch ya but tonight I wanna love ya)
You're all that I ever wanted
And you're my everything yes its true
Boy its hard to be close to you
My love
I know it may sound crazy
But I'm in love with you

[Chorus]
I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there (sometimes I wanna rub ya)
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce (but tonight I wanna love ya)
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said its impossible to miss when you never had
Never, never almost had you (but tonight I wanna love ya)

Top 12 Quotes and Quotations

Here's a list of one of the most famous quotes and quotation that has existed made of course by some of the top people in the society before and now. I find the others new for me, but not the thought of it. Got this one from Famous Quotes and Quotation website which offers new quotes and stuffs to inspire you daily. You can even subscribed to them to receive daily quotes which I did of course. Anyways enjoy reading and happy reflecting.

Favorite Famous Quotes #1

I want to know God's thoughts... the rest are details.

....Albert Einstein -

Favorite Famous Quotes #2

100% of the shots you don't take don't go in.

....Wayne Gretzky -

Favorite Famous Quotes #3

'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
' don't much care where --' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
'--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.

....Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland -

Favorite Famous Quotes #4

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

....M.K. Gandhi -

Favorite Famous Quotes #5

Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.

....Dr. Napoleon Hill -

Favorite Famous Quotes #6

Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.

...Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart -

Favorite Famous Quotes #7

You can have everything in life that you want
if you just give enough other people what they want.

...Zig Ziglar -

Favorite Famous Quotes #8

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.
Small people always do that,
but the really great make you feel that you,
too, can become great.

....Mark Twain -

Favorite Famous Quotes #9

Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.

....Samuel Johnson -

Favorite Famous Quotes #10

I made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short.

...Blaise Pascal -

Favorite Famous Quotes #11

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.
In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.

....Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas -

Favorite Famous Quotes #12

Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day.

....Helen Steiner Rice -