i compiled some of the funny call center bloopers i had read in different websites...
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CS: I w! as hoping you can take this survey with me... Would you have the time to do that, sir?
Contact: How long is this gonna to take?
CS: Mmm.. MGA three minutes....(ay shyet!!!)
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CS: ...That's E as in I-KOW... (echo)(oki lang yan, Dong...)
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ethernet cord connected???...
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with alabama accent)
TS: Yung yellow cord, mheem...
(oh-oow ngee nehmeeennn..)
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local client kaya mostly pinoy and callers, usually from visayas...
Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???...
CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Cust: Hende naman...
CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Cust: Ang alen?
CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
CS: Di ba wala pong ring?
Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!...
CS: aahhh... yung BILL?!!!(hende kase nagve-verefie mabote... tsk, tsk, tsk...)
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CS: It’s Very easy to install. Its like eating french fries as easy as one , two, three.
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CS: THank you for having business with us. Have a nice Life!
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CSA: Thats N for nancy, the number zero, then V for Victor and then L ( Napaisip ata kasi new hire palang) ahhh, uhmm, L as in LIEMPO!
CX: whats liempoh?
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TS: okay.. do we have the black screen up now? (referring to the command prompt screen)
Customer: yes
TS: okay.. lets type in there, all in one word, ipconfig-
Customer: (interrupting) -wait.. how do you spell that?
TS: IPCONFIG, sir..it’s I as in India,P as in Peter,C as in Charlie,O as in Orlando,F as in Frank,I as in India again, andG as in Jesus!
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CSR: would you mind to spell that out for me sir? and kindly use phonetics, thanks
Customer: ok, here you go.. its Davis QuiltD-davida-applev- violeti- indias- smith and for my last name its Q- cucumber
...and before the customer can continue the agent interrupted..
CSR: what was that again sir, Q as in what?
Customer: cucumber…
CSR: Sir cucumber starts with C not with Q.. so is it C as in Cucumber or Q as in Queen…Customer: Ahhhh, ic… Its c as in cucumber…
...see its not always the filipinos who commits mistakes when it comes to english.
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CX: (irate effect)Your company sucks...i'm going to sue your company...(suddenly the cx sstrated to curse the female agent...sorry for this one but it really need to be mention to get the story).....F*CK Y*O....F*CK Y*O. . .
CSR: Sir no please no, please don't f*ck me, it hurts...please don't f*ck me...it really hurts...
(as if you can do that via phone)
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CCR: Okay well I have changed the information on your account as you have requested. Is there anything else I can do for you today sir?
CX: No thats all. Thanks.
CCR: Ok sir, thank you for calling so much!
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CX: Please hold on, I'm looking through my statement.
CCR: Yes ma'am, I'm just here.(CCR heard a bird in the background)
CCR: Oh you have a pet bird ma'am?
CX: Yes I do! How did you know?
CCR: I can hear the tweet-tweet!
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ME: O mam can i put you on hold for about 2 months?I have to talk with my supervisor with this.
TL: ulupong mamamatay na ang customer sa kaiintay sayo (katabi ko lang kasi sya)
ME: Sorry mam, what i mean is put you on hold for 2 mins.
Nasabi ko kasi dahil may offer samin na two months free for 2nd line of service.
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Agent: Tenk U por coling blah blah... how me I helf U? (Tigas ng english )
Caller ( a Filipino in the US by chance ): Halo, mistir ken I pind out the retes blah blah blah...
The conversation goes on... while both parties are slowly feeling and discovering each side was a filipino due to heavy accent but the agent doesn't say he's Filipino. The agent is not allowed to disclose his identity and location. Finally, the caller got tired of talking in english...and he said "Ay ke herap naman mag-inglis!" Mag-tagalog na lang tayo! Sige na! Pilipino ka noh!?! Pilipino ka noh!?!
Agent: NO! ( said empathically )
Caller: Pilipino ka e! Naintindihan mo ako e!
AY BUKING! At dineny pa nya pinoy sya! HARHARHARHAR!
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Cx: "So, how does your flowers arrive?"
Agent: "They are shipped already arranged and wrapped in a gift box, and they get to you in bad form (she was meaning to say "bud")."
Cx: "What? I'll never order from your company. How come you let them get to your customers in bad form?"
Agent: "Oh, I'm so sorry, mhiiim. I meant to say "bad", that's B-U-D."
Cx: "Oh, you mean bud?"
Wakanga, sale pa rin 'tong call na 'to.
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On another call and another agent, a customer was being "barat" and was trying to choose a cheaper bouquet.
Agent: "Really now, mhiiim, I certainly would suggest that you instead send the lavender roses because it is far more better..."Hehehehe...
Talk about redundancy.
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Agent: ohh hi there, May i Speak with Mr. or Mrs. Smith?
Cus: Yeah..this is Mrs. SMith..Who's Calling?Agent: My name is Krizzy and im calling on behalf of blah baah blah...How are you today?
Cus: i feel terrible, im on my way to the hospital coz' My Husband needs to undergo serious operation tonight for his cancer..
Agent: OH THAT's GREAT to hear!!!(ayy deadma sya di ba,,wala na empathy o sympathy) well, the reason for my call is..oh my god Mrs. Smith, I forgot to say, I apologize to hear about your husband...
(bigla na lang nya na realized na kailangan pala nyang mag sympathize at emphatize sa customer)
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trying to spell out the name of the customer
CSR: is that S.A.S.E or S.A.F.E ?
Customer: YES
CSR: Ha?
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Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"
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cust: I want to talk to a manager!
rep: Well I happen to be a manager.
cust: If you're a manager then why are you taking calls?
rep: I'm the manager of this workstation, sir.
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cust: I want to talk to your supervisor!rep: I'm sorry she's not around.
cust: Give me the name of your supervisor!
rep: I'm sorry I can't give you her name. (we weren't allowed to give names of our TLs as well).
*after around five minutes of arguing and asking for a supervisor's name, the rep, tired, relents*
rep: okay sir, I'll give you my supervisor's name.
cust: what is it?
rep: her first name is Mary and her last name is Walter
cust: Aha! Mary Walter it is! I'll call back and look for Mary Walter! (unknown to the customer, Mary Walter is a Filipina actress who is very much DEAD!)
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Cust: Hello, are you still there?
Agent: (taranta) Yes Sir, I'm still there!
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customer(trainer): okei my acct number is 1234567890
agent: im sorry i was not able to get the last four(so the customer repeats it again)
agent: thank you for that can i have your concern?
customer: i have lost my card so you need to replace it immediately
agent: im so sorry to hear that.. let me help you...
customer: okay you can stop saying sorry okei? im in a bad mood already
agent: yes no problem.. im sorry again for that.
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ONSITE TECH: the customer is not with me right now, but i called in his behalf for a system exchange.
ME: oh okay... would you know if he opened the chassis?
ONSTE TECH: i don't think so... but uh, yeah.. i don't hink he even used it yet. it just came in and it's not working and stuff, y'know?
ME: alright.. so you mean that the system is virtually virginal..uhh. ummm.. i mean, it's still untouched?!!
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