I have a lot of thoughts racing through my mind today. I don't know. It seems like the memories of my past haunts me back under no circumstances. Its showing me a lot of regrests of my past. Bad things that could not be undone but can only show remorse of what had happened. Things that maybe time can never find to close.
I realized that if I had learn to fought back when I was kid. I was never be bullied. With the brains and fighting spirit that I have today, I don't think I am a person who could easily be underestimated. I just realized that today when I started blaming everybody in home, I should be blaming myself. I know they would say that because I am a kid or dont have conscience yet of what was happening but who cares. Whatever happened to me now is because of my fault and ignorance nor innocence saved me from it.
I could have save my relationship with my dad. Until now, I wish I did. Seriously, when I was a kid I use to entertain him while he drunks himself to liquor and he was correcting my mistakes in the song. Those are things that I only could remember with him. Then I realize, those moments are something that I should treasure. Something that I shared with him all through my life for the past 20+ years, cause after it was was pride and coldness replaced.
our family business..
Then I realize that my dad's bread and butter has already come to an end. Sigh. I remember the days when my dad would treat us somewhere and how my dad lavish expense. I guess that's one trait I got from my dad.
I just came to think that what I am right now is somewhat an achievement. Of course everybody thinks so. With all the things I had in my life today, I could have achieved something more and something better than what I have right now. Honestly, I am hiding in a shell full of lies and immorality. I use to say I hate people misconducts which could had been prevented. Then I realized I should also be hating myself first before hating others. Sigh