Me and Stupid Me

i never did learn. i told my self before not to indulge again on this such things but because of promising views and positive feeling i dug deep myself to things i would later have pain with. i just got a hold of unwanted feelings, ache, numbness and even having a hard time to breath. its starting to devour me all over again and all i can do is sit and stare blankly thinking what i can do. i'm not new to this kind of feeling but it'll just remind me of my stupidness, realizing why in the hell earth you jumped in again to this the same pit hurting yourself over again. its a question i wanted to ask and its the only question i could not even think of to reason out. just too complicated to understand, even i am having a hard time to understand myself. i never thought i had a dysfunctional kind of relationship till i realized that it already was. i never ran out of lame excuses but i cannot even think of one to cover this up. i want to break out already, think out the best things i could think of, enjoy, anticipate happiness but i just cant. i'm running out of positive things to think of and i think i had to remain on this agony. i just cant get enough of this song, just makes me think of how stupid i am.